rabbit hole ...the way i saw the movie

The movie Rabbit hole was something i was contemplating watching but didn't plan doing so, as i always get lazy at the last moment . Movies are not on my list and the reasons are many .

So when a friend ( Dear IHM ) asked me to go together it sounded like a great idea , what else do you want for a good movie ? Good company. And this time the company was so very apt. Both of us wanted ( read needed ) a slice of this artfully done story .

I am writing what i saw in the movie , my story of a 90 minute film has become so very long , because i liked a few things and wanted to share all of them here.... read it if you have time...or interest.

The movie starts with Becca mixing manure in her garden and planting purple Salvia in the flower beds . Purple Salvia in full bloom . A neighbor comes to invite her for something and Becca is making excuses , the neighbor steps over a plant , crushing the purple blooms and Becca's expressions lead the neighbor's gaze to her own feet , crushing the Salvia bloom under the shoes... She apologizes and quickly retreats .... that is when i thought that Becca will come back to the crushed bloom and will take it in her hands like i do..... I knew it then that the story and the director of the movie had something to tell I would connect to...... and Becca does come to the crushed Salvia bloom and lifts the flowers exactly the way I saw it .....

Yes , it is an artfully done story of a grieving family . The first scene has a lovely chirp of birds giving a feeling of serenity .... i knew the movie will not be depressing . Wet eyes cannot be ruled out still .

Becca and Howie have lost their 4 year old son in a freaky road accident across the street from their own home. The kid was chasing the family dog when a car hits him , the car driven by another kid , a teenager. Jason.

As the things go after such a tragedy , Becca is irritable with her mother and her sister , her husband too. She tries to find refuge in her garden and her kitchen . Watching her working in the garden and the kitchen was something i could so blindly relate to.....One day she spots Jason , sitting on the window seat of his school bus , she follows him and comes to know that the boy is reading a book on 'Parallel universe' . Becca is following Jason impulsively and when Jason comes one day to ask her what she wants....they talk . Jason confesses that the accident could have been averted if ..... okay...Becca says very calmly that it's okay .... this is a park scene and the chirping of birds makes it more impactful...Becca is very very calm with Jason , while with others she is irritable and reacts impulsively. She is trying to address an unresolved issue in her mind ... she thinks Jason is responsible for the accident but when she sees that even Jason is traumatized due the accident , her motherly side become protective towards him.... wants to see how he thinks in life......Kind of moves towards coping with the tragedy together........and later is convinced by his ideas of a parallel universe ........her grief finds a new perspective.

While Becca is struggling with her own uncertain behavior , she looks quite normal otherwise and that makes everything so tough . I can so well understand how the things becomes so much more difficult when you look normal to the world around you , everybody kinda forgets that there is something very raw and throbbing just beneath the thin sheen of smile. Howie keeps watching the video of his son on his phone and finds refuge in this activity when he is home , both husband and wife are trapped into a drift ...finding refuge from their common grief into different things. They fight on things like having another baby or not , moving into a different house etc. as Becca wants to move away from the memories donating all her son's clothes and moving the dog to her mother's place while Howie wants to cling on to the memories....he brings back the dog eventually....and later is found snapping at him angrily and then crying on the shoulders of the family dog....husband and wife are still not connecting.

The love for each other is still intact but the grief makes it very difficult for them to connect. Howie tries to find solace in the company of another woman , who seems like an easy consolation .

While all this is happening , another construction is taking place , someone is drawing thin tubes , with multiple elbow bends , opening into funnels . The drawing is built up slowly in the movie , bit by bit . First the tubes are being drawn with swift , firm strokes and then the funnels or openings .The funnels are then filled up with faces , a mother , father and a son.This is Jason , drawing his concept of 'The Parallel Universe '. He tells this concept of basic science to Becca and she wants to see his work.

The scene when Jason comes to give that drawing to Becca , Howie is exasperated with her for this 'interaction' and his anger becomes almost volcanic , he shouts at both Becca and Jason.... at this time the actor was brilliant as his eyes seem to be pleading even when he is shouting .... hurt , grief, anger and frustration on the go ..... love seems to be stalled.

I want to elaborate this concept of parallel universe here , the drawing is like a rabbit hole . An interconnected web of tubes (tunnels) opening into different funnels (worlds) having the same people in those different worlds....Jason says it is possible that we exist in different universes at the same time .... and Becca wants to believe in it.... and finds her comfort in this concept.

Becca had been feeling wronged as she feels her pregnant sister is undeserving for motherhood while she has been deprived of it . She is furious with her mother because the mother keeps comparing her own grief of loosing a 30 year old son , about a decade ago ( or more?) to Becca's still raw sense of grief. Becca's realization makes her discuss with her mother about the grief , about whether it becomes different with time. Becca's mother tells her that the grief is like a burden weighing you down in the initial days , but as the time passes you learn to live with it , and the burden becomes bearable , almost like a brick which you can carry in your pocket wherever you go , but bearable ...

The movie ends with Howie coming home after a realization of his love for Becca , she seems to have resolved to come out of her grief , realizing that somewhere in another universe they might be together with the son..... The acting prowess of the actors , Nicole Kidman and Aaron Ekhart is commendable . I found Dianne Wiest as the mother of Becca very convincing too...

I could so easily connect to this story . Finding comfort in something needing physical work , easiest being gardening and cooking for me , is so effortlessly woven into the story...
Also,when you are trying to look normal ( a 'cool customer' in the words of Joan Didion , the author of A year of Magical Thinking ) , smiling and trying to look happy , the things become difficult for you . Some people take unsolicited liberty with you and also , you find your own behavior bipolar sometimes , because you have been crying mad in solitude and at the same time find yourself giggling in company of others...those giggle sometimes going over the top as if putting a plug over the sore interiors .....

Another point where i connected to this story was the concept of parallel universe , it sounds weird but you would want to believe in it.... for the comfort it brings.

Howie wants to attend group therapy sessions where people share their experiences and perspectives , but Becca finds it ridiculous . Eventually both of them have to chart their own path towards a complete understanding of the larger picture of life . To my understanding , the healing or understanding or even problem solving, cannot always be tackled by psychotherapy manuals or 'social therapists' . A personal approach , a tailor made solution for every person is more effective , especially if the person in question is actively involved in finding the solution....i could see that in the movie.....

The movie was not depressing for the both of us , myself and IHM , although a few tears were shed , but we came out smiling , feeling that we have dealt with it in a better way probably , we didn't ave domestic fights and we didn't get violent in public places ( like Becca does in the movie ) , we had control over our emotions and expressions , well , almost . And we were able to be like a good support system to our spouses and vice versa....were able to find comfort in each other....

We all find our own ways to become happy at the end of the day...we all find our purpose eventually...

The garden of five senses....

We visited the Garden of five senses last Sunday .  The annual flowers festival was going on there and we could not stop ourselves from going there. A friend had suggested this plac long back and the announcement of this festival was a nice excuse to go and see this wonderful place . The metro rail can take you there , saket is the station which leads you to the sprawling garden of five senses ....after a good walk for 10 minutes , if not more . Wear your sneakers if you are taking the metro.

Take the tickets first , 20 rupees for adults . The ticket counter looks so serene...i like these stone walls , and wavering stairs...

These pendulous plant arrangements were showcased right outside .... sedum , ferns , bryophyllum , jade plant , candy tuft and a few more....

Take a closer look at the flowering bryophyllum all around a globe...

See how a bed of flowering plants adorns the chabootra ( the platform made for protection of the trunk as well as a place to sit under the shade of a tree) of a semal tree...

The semal tree from a distance...notice the cone shaped thorns on the trunk , a couple of pink flowers and one lone fruit hanging from the branches... can you find them ?

See the thorns of another semal tree , with the chabootra adorned with a bed of flowers again......the folk drummers playing in the background....

While there were almost all the seasonal flowers on display , in pots propped with thin bamboo sticks , i will show you the landmarks of this garden... the elephants surrounded by water bodies...... and cycus groves...

There was a get away with undulating pathways lined with stone pillars.... giant birds perched over them... besides bamboo groves...

Some mehraabs breaking the symmetry... stone walls...

There are some bronze sculptures , probably depicting the five senses .... I always need to observe art work in a peaceful atmosphere.... there were too many people for my comfort...this is the only frame where no one ( except me) is there , there are more of these sculptures...

 So it will take me another visit to see those sculptures in detail.... I liked this upside down tree sculpture too...the roots facing the sky...and the tree apex going inside the earth...

A large earthen urn .... see the teenage girl , quite tall herself , and compare the size of the urn....

Another installment which intrigued me was this upward moving spiral with bells hanging....a huge structure and i can imagine when there are strong winds ..or God forbid ..an earthquake comes....

Liked the wavering pathways.........

And these earthy lamps lining the pathways....

Want to see some more pathways? ....leading to thatched houses....like i used to draw in my drawing book when i was a kid...

See another little home surrounded with a garden....I have two of these terracotta houses perched on my 'rock garden in the making' ... same sizes and i am getting ideas...

Take a closer look , the house ( actually a tein house) boasts of  a pond and a swimming pool too...

This one looks like another locality , the safety hedge and ceramic houses ... different fauna to adore the garden...

Another house located in a dessert island...

With real gold fish swimming in the 'shell pond'...

A lonely hut of a rishi muni...minimalistic and serene...

This one looks kischy ...

let me show you a nice bed of purple lantana.... I tried to include those saplings of Cannabis in the frame too...

the orange lantana in my garden gives e so much pain , controlling it ...the spiky shrub that refuses to go away....but i like the aromatic whiff around the plant... the purple lantana is less aromatic...or so i felt there... another purple breeze of lantana...

And a nice drooping canopy of Bauhinia ( kachnaar)... with the seed pods trying to touch ground...

There were so many seasonal flowers on display , all the possible colours ... rioting the green environs of the garden ....

This one i shot for the colour contrast ...a pleasing parting note....

Bright orange against pristine white.....a lone Gazania drooping towards a bunch of Candytufts...ready to pose for me...

movement immobilised in stone....

         "MOVEMENT" (Shaking, Falling, Bouncing, Jumping, Curling, Sagging,...)
 The ultimate sign of movement , the wheel , whose discovery gave a fast pace to human civilization.....

 Set in stone , immobilised for ever...

This picture is from the Sun Temple of Gwalior , yes, there is a sun temple in Gwalior too.

This temple disappointed me hugely when i went there having high expectations , having seen and admired the konark sun temple years ago.

This is a modern temple build on the lines of the ancient sun temple of konark , the place is quite peaceful , surrounded with greenery and birds but it cannot match the aura and vibes of the ancient konark sun temple.... the visit was a huge disappointment actually...

A perspective on roles of indian women...

Indusladies 2nd Annual International Women's Day Blog Contest

                                 (A perspective on roles of Indian Women)

The announcement for a contest by indusladies with this subject looks quite apt as i have been thinking on these lines recently .

Women are playing all their roles quite well , so what if some are lagging behind , there are issues to tackle , and their are some rough patches to be smoothed out , but that is the process of growth ...if it is in the right direction . In any part of the world women are juggling with the same issues , rising up and growing up , pushing the ceiling every day .

At the same time i would like to ask , why only women , even men have to justify many roles they take , and they are given names if they fail to do so. Still , I will emphasize on the challenges women have to take , abiding with the subject given , but i feel my perspective stands true to women as well as men .

As i said , the question of how women should groom themselves for a happy and content life has been pricking me for some time . Obviously , this is almost a constant thought process in the mind of an average thinking woman of our times , but these days this particular question has stuck to my mind . Thinking about a friend who didn't want to get divorced and at the same time was not able to address what she wanted in the relationship , and from life in general . All she could understand was , that she is financially independent , can take care of herself along with a 10 year old son and that she didn't want a separation ( she loved her husband and her husband loved her too ). It was a strange situation where the impending separation was being caused by 'external factors' and as the woman was not able to let go of some mental blocks , the separation looked inevitable , sadly . In spite of both the partners wanting to be together. Tricky situation.


I felt that grooming towards financial independence is given priority while bringing up the girls ( a very welcome change for sure) and  emotional well being and other life skills are given a miss. By grooming i mean growing up to become a well informed and a balanced head . I mean if a woman can free herself from the stereotype feminist views , it will be far more helpful in her complete well being. Like a set of obstacles can be there in any person's life , man or woman . And there is a set of obstacles that appear only in women's lives , if the woman blames all the other obstacles too being targeted towards her because of being a woman , this is wrong . The woman limits her resources and mental faculties by doing this. Freedom from this limitation will be instrumental. So if the husband cannot argue with his parents in your interest he is called a 'mama's boy' even if the same husband has supported you to go out and start a career of your own . The husband doesn't need to pull daggers for his parents if he loves you and wants you to succeed in life , let him maintain peace with his parents and be happy with what he is sharing with you , or get away from them all , if needed . Free yourself , but don't be prepared to be a victim. In the Indian socio-cultural milieu , the woman has to be sensitive to the balance needed in life , of hers as well as the immediate and extended family.

Fortunately , a series of telephonic 'sharing of ideas' could find a remedy for the feared separation of this friend . A workable solution , handling the situation practically and not expecting others to turn cooperative when they are not , judging them rightly , taking decisions accordingly....not acknowledging their authority when they are insensitive to you , that's it. Period.

Another acquaintance who feels that her ambition towards her career is somehow hindering with the pleasure she should get from her 4 year old son ....she thinks she has worked so hard for the career and having a kid was not in the original plan while dreaming about a big life . Kids come because we have to fit in the society , unfortunately , and then begins the struggle to sustain , all dreamy numbers evaporating in thin air .....and this ambitious mother was able to see logic for being a woman in charge of her life and happiness , she is trying to get out of the trap of proving a point about being ambitious and to please everybody regarding her career choices.

It would be worse if a woman starts out to become a hero and finally becomes a martyr , or worse , a victim . Being a happy contented soul will be so much better. 

Sometimes , we choose the roles we play , like we choose to have a dream career , a dream vocation , marry a certain person and we choose to be mothers . We justify our roles when we have chosen it consciously , we pursue our role with absolute conviction and understanding . Sometimes we fail , we learn , we try again and we succeed to a certain degree . All this we do as we had dreams of a certain life , we worked towards it and then we achieved it . What when we do not achieve as much as we had planned ?

This is the time when many of us women feel insufficient and incompetent to a certain degree , resulting into a harder struggle to succeed in every role we take. In my view point , we should not aim for absolute perfection . Learning from life , growing at every step and improvising as the life unfolds it's master plan before us...this is how we can better suit life in modern times. Aiming for absolute perfection is a waste of time , there is nothing like an absolutely perfect professional, absolutely perfect wife or an absolutely perfect mother . We all find comfort in our imperfections sometimes , accepting the imperfection is the key.There are no set guidelines for personal relationships , there is a tailor made solution for every situation here. For professional growth the guidelines work up to an extent but for the role we take in our personal lives we have to improvise and fine tune so many things to suit the milieu .

I see many women who hog and sweat to fit in . To fit in the perfect mould of a DIL , the perfect mould of a wife and the perfect mould of a mother and the most fancy mould of them all , the mould of the successful modern woman . This is a dangerous trend i am sorry . Juggling between professional and personal life , trying to fit in the perfect mould of a modern woman is not what should be aimed for . The sad thing is , the woman takes all the responsibilities trying to prove she is capable , intelligent and resourceful ...in the meantime , the husband and the family takes this for granted . I have seen this happening , in the initial years of my own marriage and many other women i know. While it is okay for a time being as you cannot start a life with all the calculations already done , and because most of us are so conditioned for the roles we take and how we execute them , it will be better if we judge the situation well before it goes out of control .

Being relaxed about the not so perfect life should be okay , rather welcome , as it provides scope for improvement , for growth . Juggling to fit in all the roles only results in a constant juggling and dissatisfaction leading to frustration....where is the time to enjoy life , can we think about letting our hair down and enjoy life ..... life as it comes, with a few dreams and plans thrown in for good measure.

The commercial ads portray an interesting picture of a modern woman . A slim , fair woman who heads a team in the office , comes home to serve instant noodles or ready to make soups to the kids , cooks a full course dinner , packs yummy tiffin boxes in the morning with assorted breakfast items for everybody in the family .... and turns up a spotless tan protected face framed with lustrous conditioned hair. And yes , she shops smartly too and goes to gym ...she has to 'look' perfect....Thankfully , many modern women are not the stereotypes , but the picture is glum when you see the reality of a middle class modern woman , more so if she is working.

Working for a woman is supposed to give her freedom and most of the times we witness , the woman gets a degree of freedom . More and more women are free even if they are not working .The freedom brings new responsibilities too. Responsibilities of choosing the roles we take up and doing justice with them , finding comfort in life at the same time....being comfortable in our own skin i mean. Being comfortable in our own skin is becoming a rare phenomenon these days i feel , most of us are trying to fit in something we have just a vague idea about. More so , the freedom doesn't only mean to chose our conveniences , freedom is to be able to throw away some of the mental blocks of our own . Like most women take pride in a spic and span home and if they do not get a good support system they feel sorry for themselves .

I dream of the day when all women would be proud of being a woman , will celebrate womanhood and will not compare themselves with the other sex . All women , and not a fortunate few .

I want to add that women are better equipped for management and coordination , armed with a brain whose chords are rightly placed ...err...better coordinated ( both the cerebral hemispheres are coordinated with more connective tissue actually ) , so they are clearly the superior sex if you don't count the muscle power ...and this fact is not open for debate :) ...not again.... i do not want another battle of sexes .


I am tagging three of my blogger friends who are passionate writers and they feel much on this topic ...

Tapati
Amrita 
Gauri Gharpure

thursday challenge ...trees in all their glory...

This post is featured in Blogadda's spicy Saturday picks Feb 19-2011..
  "TREES" (Saplings, Gnarly Trees, Snow Covered, Bonsai, Dead Tree, Shade Tree,...)

If the Thursday challenge says trees , i have so many to set my eyes on.....laden with flowers .... and fruit ... and a few more things ....

A lemon tree ... in all its glory ....take a closer look....

And now see what else it holds....

Got it ?

It is a nest and a family still lives in it... in the next picture you can see one of it's inhabitants..... look at the dead stump of a tree... This a small birdie having a crimson shaded head and golden yellow back . Very shy very chirpy and moves in groups...

And now a gnarled and dead guava tree to which i have hung a bowl of water and a basket of food for the birds.... the squirrel is picking up some bread...

And then she moves to a place to sit and gnaws at the piece of bread ... i make corn bread for them...

And here is a rose bud , as if a princess caught up in a prison....

The prison of it's own thorns.....

And still smiling like the most beautiful and innocent kid....

Thank you IHM for suggesting to post my trees . This is the first time i am posting something for this challenge and thoroughly enjoyed doing this....My plants always make me so happy and they never ask something in return....

There is one more interesting picture of a tree......This is probably the milk thistle , a variety of Euphorbia , I will confirm later ( right now i am in a hurry to post and then go walking :) ).... see , looks like it is on flame....

The top of the tree has turned yellow orange and it looks like it is about to bear gold on it...:)

being ambitious and being a mother....

Someone was talking to me about being ambitious , about being a mother and not being able to spend time with the 4 year old child .

Why my parents made me so ambitious that i can't look beyond my career and spend time with my child . Even when i am home and the child wants to play with me i know i am thinking or planning something else when i should be playing whole heartedly with my child. All the workload descends on me whenever my child asks me to play with him and i get irritated and snap on him or just keep multitasking while playing with the son....the reason why i am concerned is that my son doesn't bond with me well and i feel he feels alienated . Also i am noticing that whenever i go to his room when he is alone , he gets startled and almost scared , as if he withdraws all his playful tentacles and encloses himself into a hard shell whenever i am close to him.....what to do ???

The mother looked harried and pale and shaken . The only sparkle of dimmest light came to her face when she talked about her ambition and what projects she is working on. Making it lucid , i repeat it was still a very dim sallow sparkle.

Does your ambition leads you to this state of mind ?

Playing with your child with your heart and soul in unison , you could be reviving your own energies too . A revived , energetic , happy companion is all a child needs . Not a hovering helicopter who instructs to do this and to do that too . Not at all a half hearted playmate.

You can make your life beautiful with a baby around . The innocence and candid laughter touches your soul and makes the life worth living .
Are you letting your ambition destroy your happiness , your life ?

Do you think your ambition is the sole solace of your life ?

I sound very harsh when i ask why do you need a child when you don't have the time to enjoy the childhood of your own kid . In the process you destroy the childhood of you own kid .

I am not against being ambitious and chasing your dreams .

If you dream about a professional position , does it mean you should not enjoy life ?

I would also want to ask a question about the ambition , the dream of making it big.
Is the ambition about making it big professionally or being happy and contented in life in general? About having a family and kids who love you and care for you , and you care for them. 

You worked hard for your professional degrees and to rise . To the position you like.

You did absolutely nothing worthwhile to get married and to bear that child who is the biggest worry of your life today .

Bearing a child doesn't need any qualification or ambition , sadly.
Oh wait , there is a tendency to fit in the society by getting married and having children , you bear children because you want to look perfect.

Perfect.

Can you pick up the professional ambition and place it on a higher pedestal ?

Higher than the 'life' . The 'life' you so miss when the child is alienated from you and the family scene never happens even when you have decided to marry and have a family.

You chose your ambition and you chose to have a family . The ambition eats you up and the family becomes a punching bag . A refuse . An irritable entity in your life. A nagging reminder of the things to do list.

You expect your child to love you , come running to you happily when you come home and wrap his arms around you . Comfort you after work (smirk)....but your child is not doing all of that .... what is wrong with him.... how to make him straight??

Balance .

The child has the birthright to be nurtured . Nature is reminding you . Take notice.

Note : the thought was actually gnawing at my heart since i encountered this . The post has come out like a preaching tone . Excuse me for that . I got my slice of peace back after writing this....bash me if you don't agree ...i am ready to take it...

see what I dug up today....

Sundays are lazy excuses to get up late and have a late breakfast and so it was today. After the breakfast I went out to check my plants and as the mali (gardener) had cleared the shakarkand (sweet potato) bed yesterday, I was looking for the cracks in the ground. I spotted one and dug just with my fingers first. I do that kind of things and don't ever look at my nails :)

These pink beauties were peeping at me and I jumped up to get my tools and the camera....

An excited yet careful digging for five minutes revealed these...

And just so that you can see how big they are, I had never seen them so big .... a few smaller and thinner ones were also found, held in the other hand....

This was the very first time I had planted a sweet potato and the vine had taken over the garden in no time . I used to keep it in bounds though and even used to trim them to make a very tasty saag and even with daal (like palak wali daal) ... the leaves are beautiful even for indoor flower or plant arrangements .

I know my Dad will be so happy to see this :)

The Bracelet .... a fantasy journey into the mystical world...

The invitation to the book launch was quite tempting but i had not attended any book launch before this and i was in two minds about going to be a part of it . Half of a Sunday was to be sacrificed and it was not my idea of having a good time till now. A call from a great blogger friend got me thinking and i decided to give it a try . She generously picked me up and after a long and invigorating chit chat along the 1 hour drive we reached the venue to find a cute guy greeting us introducing himself as the kid # 2 ( Kartik ) of the lovely and vivacious Phoenixritu .

Ishaan Lalit , the kid # 1 is the author of this gripping fantasy woven around two mystical groups on war .... 27 year old Ishaan is a pilot and the first impression makes you think that the book must be a kid lit written for fun by a pampered cute looking guy ( sorry ). How wrong i was with my first impression as the book turned out to be a well crafted fantasy , actually it is a semi science fiction as there is some time travel and some brain shuffling too... when i picked up the book i was heavily prejudiced to think it as a kido literature , felt that the beginning was a bit slow ...but as i moved through the pages the book gripped me till i reached the last page .... a pleasant surprise to be honest.

I would recommend the book for all age groups , probably the teenagers and some grown up kids may find it more interesting than the insomniac minds of adults ... what ?? You still are a kid ?? Just go buy the book and read it in one go....