the banana seller

for many days i have been just thinking n not writing anything..........the mind keeps churning the memories and ongoing experiences, while the physical being is busy in mundane activities..................inner conflicts arise when i put up a question within myself, if i am doing something wrong or is it wrong only for others.............obviously rights and wrongs are highly relative and view points may be different................i was just thinking from where this strong conviction comes in me and how this thinking process becomes so strong that a concrete belief is formed, an unshakable faith is build up.................i am a very strong opinionated person and my opinions are made only after a lot of thoughts going behind it , otherwise i don't have an opinion on so many worldly matters........ i am questioning myself if i am arrogant about my opinions or how my faiths and beliefs are important for me, and do our experiences of our past life influence our opinion making process????

i have been watching a banana seller lately, he is an old man who sells bananas in our colony knocking our doors to ask if we need bananas....... this is a humble person who carries his bananas in a wicker basket on his head, mostly the basket is so heavy that he asks me to help taking the basket off his head and keeping it back to his head after i am done with buying bananas...... i noticed a very awkward thing when i helped him putting the basket back on his head for the first time........when i pulled my hands back he looked at it promptly to check if i have taken any extra banana from his basket, i could not believe it that he was thinking i could steal a banana during that............do i look like a chorrr???
but to my amusement he still does the same and when i thought about it and discussed it with arvind.....reached to this conclusion that he might have experienced it .........imagine this humble banana seller who has seen people from decent homes stealing his bananas on the pretext of helping him......think of his opinion about decent people around him.............he has his own ways to deal with it............. at the same time he is not hurting anybody to save his interest.

many such cumulative experiences mold our personalities............many good and bad experiences get buried into deeper crevices of our brain and actually becomes our subconscious, even when we don't want to be influenced by a bad experience , it is always there at the back of our mind................the truth is , this is how our mind and body works.

being optimistic and positive is what everybody talks and i really believe in being positive, it has worked for me, immensely, i can tell many chapters of how i have been benefited just by being positive, even when every single thing has been against me............but at the same time i want to tell that, if i become weak or pessimistic or even negative for a while...............it is not that bad.............after all these negative moments make me realize what i have to choose.....if i am not able to address my negativity, how will i be able to sort it out.

it is better to address my negative feelings head on, if i have some fears, some insecurities or some worries ........these are all connected to my past experiences........it is a proven fact even in the science of psychology............if i am able to weed out all those thoughts from my mind , i will be a successful positive thinker...........upto my understanding , nobody is an absolute positive thinker and all those who practice positivity, are just moving towards positive faith.........and that is what i intend to........