however hard i wanted, i could not write anything on this blog of mine throughout the last week, i don't know why but there was a thought somewhere on the back of my mind, that i am being judged.............from the words i write............that somebody may make their own inference of what i am or what i think.................what worried me the most, is that i have never cared what people think about me, i always do what i think is right and nobody dictates my rights and wrongs...................thankfully the good sense prevailed and i came back to my natural self.

sometimes when people misunderstand what i say, i don't even feel the need to explain myself....or to convince them...........but i prefer to give myself time to evaluate myself,............. what was wrong?.......my saying.......or the other person's understanding.............usually i get the answer after pounding my stubborn head...........as i got it now........i don't do anything to please people.

my purpose of writing here is finding happiness i what i do................writing here is like telling everybody how contented i am...........this is a very beautiful feeling that i can do the things the way i want to..............i don't think this is arrogant to think like that, see how the things have come to me in life,................everyday is like struggling against a new challenge..........it is turbulent, very much so, but when in the end i see that i found a way out..............i think being successful in life means a lot like this.

i am reminded of the day when i was telling about some bad memories of mine to manisha, and in the end she asked me if i feel successful in life now..............i remember i promptly said yes........manisha understood my yes.........the way i feel, but in today's world when being successful is associated with the kind of money you earn n the kind of lifestyle you have............there are many people who will find me eccentric............i am not complaining, i like being called eccentric......it gives me an edge.

arvind often asks me, why do you keep fighting with yourself............cuz i don't want to fight with other people, don't want to waste my energy.......i'll tell him now.