I hope you are still sticking to your new year resolutions , though i am sure some of you might have already broken your's . As for me i never made a new year resolution , resolutions work for me only when i make short term ones . So my new short term resolution is that i will be updating my blogs more often . But short term resolutions need frequent invigorations ...do i need to resolve to invigorate my resolutions frequently too...ehh...
As many of my readers and friends here already know that this time of the year could have been dreadfully painful for me and i was really not very confidant about being in a steady mind .
I feel the warmth of your love when i get the mails from you enquiring my absence from the blogs and i feel humbled as many of you remembered this time of the year and gave me strength though your mails, comments and messages .
Thankfully , i tagged along with Arvind for one of his oficial tours ( to Chennai ) and though i was shit scared how i would feel staying alone in the geust house or would i be able to explore Chennai alone with this state of mind , i found myself in the company of extremely creative people and i am loving being with them.
So , as most of you are aware of , 31st Dec was the first death anniversary of Mithi and i am still feeling a painful lump in my throat while typing these words ( let me assure you that i am fine and enjoying my time here ) but that day was truly magical in every sense .
I was reading a book ' The Year of Magical Thinking ' by Joan Didion gifted to me by IHM and i had finished the book on the 30th . I must admit here that i was expecting a lot from this book and the only hint of magical thinking was unfolded in the final oparts of the book but reading the book at this time of the year and finishing it on that date was magical in itself . Joan had lost her husband on the 30th of Dec and i had not timed or planned the reading of this book . IHM had handed me three books when we met at the Indiblogger meet and i had decided to bring these books to Chennai as i wanted some good books to read on this 'unpredictable' tour . I picked up this one first and it turned out this way . Joan has viewed death as a minismal event in the larger scheme of things which take place on our planet , if not the universe . She quotes many small islands were blown away by the Tsunami and as a geologist she says that she used to feel a sense of peace during earthquakes ....if that is magical...
The magical events of my day is yet to unfold . We had decided on the 30th Dec morning that we will go to watch sunrise at Marina beach and as Arvind asked for the directions and distance from out guest house a few of his colleagues wanted to come along instantly . I was apprehensive about company as i wanted this to be a private moment for us but still i decided to go with the flow and we took a local train to reach the beach . I ( we ) enjoyed the early morning train ride and the sunrise was 'magical' too . The sun , the sand and the waves were therapeutic , magical and everything else we needed that day . I am enormously thankful to the two wonderful people who accompanied us that day and made us feel protected and pampered ( we were really feeling like lost children again around this time ) . I must say here that i find it really magical whenever you get the company of nice people at the time when you are the most vulnerable , or even when otherwise mean people are nice with you in such times .
So we watched the sunrise , bought some shells and headed to the guest house . The sea waves had washed away most of my disorientation and delirium but still there were new , however smaller waves of grief shaking me every now and then . We got ready and reached the venue ( the NISCAIR team was doing the media coverage of an important event here ) , the thought process was not very pleasant during the short drive but as soon as we reached there i decided to hold my neck straight and smile and guess what ...... Gauhar Raza complemented the both of us for looking smart . Hero-heroine ( he said jokingly ) are looking very smart today and i came up with a repartee ... director saab ko hero heroine smart lagte hain to koi fikr nahi kisi aur ko lage na lage ( if the director thinks the hero n heroine are smart looking , it doesn't matter how we are to the others ) ... with this refreshing boost i felt like i have conquered my fears for the day .
Many times during the day i was reminded of what we were doing the same day last year and the memories were enough to shake me up , but i had the energy to gulp it down and smile and even feel good about it . Don't you feel it was magical in every sense . We were heading towards pondicherry the next day with a rejuvenated heart and mind and that trip was great too.
The mood is upbeat as i said the company of extremely creative people and the vibrant atmosphere here at the venue makes me nostalgic about my research days . Nostalgia is good ... it masks the bad memories like fresh and frothy waves of the sea smoothen out the sand as i pick small sea shells .... my cute little keepsakes....