however hard i wanted, i could not write anything on this blog of mine throughout the last week, i don't know why but there was a thought somewhere on the back of my mind, that i am being judged.............from the words i write............that somebody may make their own inference of what i am or what i think.................what worried me the most, is that i have never cared what people think about me, i always do what i think is right and nobody dictates my rights and wrongs...................thankfully the good sense prevailed and i came back to my natural self.
sometimes when people misunderstand what i say, i don't even feel the need to explain myself....or to convince them...........but i prefer to give myself time to evaluate myself,............. what was wrong?.......my saying.......or the other person's understanding.............usually i get the answer after pounding my stubborn head...........as i got it now........i don't do anything to please people.
my purpose of writing here is finding happiness i what i do................writing here is like telling everybody how contented i am...........this is a very beautiful feeling that i can do the things the way i want to..............i don't think this is arrogant to think like that, see how the things have come to me in life,................everyday is like struggling against a new challenge..........it is turbulent, very much so, but when in the end i see that i found a way out..............i think being successful in life means a lot like this.
i am reminded of the day when i was telling about some bad memories of mine to manisha, and in the end she asked me if i feel successful in life now..............i remember i promptly said yes........manisha understood my yes.........the way i feel, but in today's world when being successful is associated with the kind of money you earn n the kind of lifestyle you have............there are many people who will find me eccentric............i am not complaining, i like being called eccentric......it gives me an edge.
arvind often asks me, why do you keep fighting with yourself............cuz i don't want to fight with other people, don't want to waste my energy.......i'll tell him now.
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hi sangeeta what i feel is .. stop thinking what people will be judging you by your words...becoz u r writing here to make urself feel lighter becioz u feel good... but in a way or so if u wll think that people are might judging u then u won't be able to write freely.....what i feel that there are time s when we want somebody to hear us...but we cannot find our duplicates ,,,who can understand our feelings to discuss or so...so therefore we prefer to write so that we can talk to ourselves.
ReplyDeletedeepika @ meow
thankyou dear..........i have been thinking it n somebody asked me too.....why am i writing this.........is it self pity..or my negativity taking over.........but as i said, i have never cared what many people think what i am doing..........my satisfaction comes from the many people who think i am right...thankyou for being that person...............as you said dear , there ARE many duplicates of oneself.....only it takes time to find them.
ReplyDeleteSangeeta, do you know that while you are so worried wondering what others are thinking about you....the "others" (whoever they are) are worried wondering what YOU are thinking about THEM!!
ReplyDeleteSo long as you are not hurting anyone else..either physically or emotionally..you have every right to pursue any activity that brings happiness to you. If this activity happens to be writing.....so be it!!
yes amrita........i would never want to hurt anybody, cuz i know what it is,......true they might be thinking what i am thinking or might write about THEM...............they should not worry.........i am already trying to detach myself from THEM.
ReplyDeletethankyou for understanding dear.
Madam,
ReplyDeleteI belong to CSIR family and know Mr.Khanna through blogspot. I can just imagine the pains that u r taking. Forget about others. I can only say that your Angel is so gifted as she got parents like u.
deens
karaikudi
thankyou deens
ReplyDeletewe are also gifted to have an angel like mithi in our lives...........we just wish her pains could vanish.
This is very well expressed. I think I am understanding your point clearly, what Amrita says and your response. People ( including me) have different mental frame. Anybody can take out their own interpretation of your words or actions and get hurt even if we don't intend to. It is their problem, not yours. You are trying not to hurt any one and you are satisfied with your efforts, thats it nothing else. ( Tum duniya ki theka le rakhe-ho kya? O to Bhagban ke theka hae ) But things become bit tough when a near and dear one gets hurt by their own interpretation it pains you too.
ReplyDeleteSuccess is a great thing.. I believe life is full of millions of successes from learning to count 1, 2, 3 to learning cooking to anything.
You bench mark some thing to achieve,and work towards it, when you achieve and you feel good, that is success. For me there is no big or small success..only success. Well may be if I put very big efforts it could be a big success or some success which makes you extremely happy. Even if you can abandon an effort which you have been making to achieve some thing and you are convinced that you cant achieve it ..it is also a success...ie. successfully (happily) abandoning some thing is also a success may be a great success.
Amen
( Pl dont post)