nightmare

there was some uneasy feeling in my sleep and it was a very bad dream that i don't remember now, but it caused me to get up immediately, what i saw, mithi was in the middle of a bad seizure, almost at the verge of choking.............all my muscles got to work immediately..............thank God, she knows that she has to fight, that she has to be strong, and when mama is with her she is relieved ...........her face turns purple-blue.......and when it is over, she looks at me,as if saying , mama i won.............i love her for this.............she answers me in a way, to the things which i keep telling her.........jab mithi ko dard hoga to mithi thodi aur strong ho jayegi...........jab mithi ko koi pareshan karega to mithi usko dhakka de degi.................she tells me , mama i pushed it hard.

it is a constant worry with me that if something happens to mithi , and if i am in sleep at that time.....what will happen.........i have many times told mithi that whenever mama is sleeping and she feels some problem, she should tell mama in a dream.............i think mithi learned to tell me this time, this way..................hope she manages to tell me whenever she needs me............

a friend asked me why you named this blog homealone..........i had no other word on my mind when i was signing up..........i had been confined to home forever it seems.........even when i went out for clubbing or any other seemingly entertaining activity, in those days, i always felt lost..........lost in the most crowded places.......my mind was always at home...................and when i was at home, alone, it was like a mad rush of doing something.........i didn't know what, but it seems, i thought i had to do something............what was that something, i didn't know...........and because i couldn't do anything of that sort...............the most common thing i did was crying or eating something or the other................so much so that when my whole day maid used to leave in the evening, i always wanted to stop her till late ............till arvind comes from office..............it was something like i had put up a brave face in front of others but the moment i was alone......all my strength crumbled down........it seems.
recently i have started going out on weekends, when arvind is at home to take care of mithi............and nobody can understand better than me that the traffic on the roads can be therapeutic.............the marketplace chaos can be refreshing...and the moving, rushing people all around can assure you that life is normal.........everything is going on...............move on........get up and move on.........