Friday, October 22, 2010

we choose to be what we are.............

While talking to someone that day over phone i realized that i should write about a friend who has been very strong and upright in her life , who has the spine to stick to her beliefs ....... and that , this strength has been an acquired virtue . I have great regard for all the people who have made their lives better on their own , by sheer grit and courage . A few such people have touched my life and have helped me grow too . This is something i wanted to share here for a long time but somehow i lack the drive to come here and share even the greatest things happening around .

This is a friend who i met through a FM radio ( Meow ) and related to her ideas and thoughts immediately , soon we started talking over phone and started visiting each other . She visiting me most of the times , myself being the lazy bum . We were strangers and still we could share so many things easily to each other , guiding each other and listening to each other in the not so strong moments.... we feel so week and helpless sometimes and after each episode come out stronger . She is no more a stranger and slowly we developed a different kind of bonding , most importantly i saw her connect with Mithi almost instantly. Let's call her T ..... a name is not an issue...

Yes , Mithi responded to her the very first time when she talked to her . I used to feel so happy whenever T used to come to my house and call Mithi's name loudly while entering the house .........something nobody else ever did . Unfortunately at that point of time Mithi was less responsive and could not respond to her call but she always understood whenever T talked to her holding her hands. That was the time when Mithi had become very week and her body very very distorted and no other person used to go to her and communicate with her , apart from us family members. This gesture always warmed me up and definitely Mithi too .

May be because T has an elder sister who is a special child , still a child at 50 . Seeing a disabled sibling all her life must have made her sensitive towards the needs and emotions of such a person . So Mithi was the first reason for our bonding , later we realized it was much more than that .

The story i wanted to share here is of that fateful day when Mithi left us . Both Arvind and i were dumbstruck and shocked . We had rushed her to the hospital in a frenzy and saw the doctors struggling with her for almost an hour .... the longest hour of our life ......... and when the doctors calmly informed us .. as if both of us had lost our voice . I don't remember for how long we sat there , still ........ Arvind's colleague , who was there with us , took the phone from his pocket and started checking the call log to find a number of any family member to inform , he dialed one number and gave the phone to Arvind . I do not remember what came to my mind , i took out my phone and dialed T .......... she came immediately . It is now that i realize , the way i felt when she used to communicate with Mithi might have been on my subconscious mind and that might have prompted me to call her. ( i did not call anybody else and that is why i wondered after a while why her name came on my mind )...........This is not what i wanted to share here , it just falls in the sequence of events....... and may be i feel lighter by facing it one more time........

When it was time to go to the cremation , somebody asked me to go home ( thinking it would be difficult for me to see all of that ) and before i could say anything , it was T who said firmly ....... Sangeeta is going there ...and insisted that she would accompany us too . I am telling this because T had lost her husband about 12 years ago in a freaky accident and going to the cremation ground must have been so very difficult to her . Facing our worse memories related to a lost loved one is so very difficult . I could feel that day and for weeks after the day that she was very very depressed . Apart from the tragedy in sight , confronting her own fear and heart wrenching memories had definitely taken a toll . And i know all this while she was silently praying for her own sister too , who is old bodily ( if not mentally ) and is suffering because of many issues .

Whenever i remember that day , T is there in the memories and that act of courage comes alive . It was not easy as we can imagine , but she decided to go for it . She choose to be strong .

Today evening we were talking about the things which make us restless..... the changing season .... this is the season when she lost her husband ( this very month ) and the chill in the air and everything related to this month must be difficult to encounter .......every year , year after year . She brushes off the chill and gives a warm smile......... she chooses to be happy ...
As i have witnessed so many times , we come out stronger when we address our fears face to face . I am not writing this to prove that i am indebted to her gesture ....... That will be an insult to a pure selfless friendship i believe . I just want to convey this to anybody who might get inspired from her . Personal courage and strength is something we achieve by practice and by will . After loosing her husband , T has struggled a lot to raise her two sons single handedly . That is the reason i believe that the courage and the resolve to be strong is an acquired asset and we can all grow towards it . Also, this 'growth' is an ongoing process and we have to work on a daily basis to keep growing ..... Something i am myself struggling to do now a days ..........

Growing is life ........ we choose the direction ..........


  1. Reminds me of someone whom I bumped somewhere on the net and hailing from the same city was the first instance of bonding. Haven't got a chance to meet her in person, but feel that we have been friends for ages.... Thanks to her for all her love and support... Read something yday.... "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. Life is about dancing in the rain". How true!!!

  2. Hey

    Thanks for sharing!! This is beautiful and make strong for life..!!

  3. Thanks anonymous .... we connect so well with strangers sometimes and it's really an enriching experience if we are able to learn something from the good people around us.
    Dancing in the rain .... so well said .... but it takes a lot .. at the same time the storm becomes bearable when you learn to dance. Thanks again ..

    Swatantra.....thanks dear ... you are a sweetheart.

  4. This is an amazingly inspiring post Sangeeta! I agree with every word here. Your friend is someone to look upto and learn from...

    Loved these lines, I need to read them many times before they will actually become a way of living, "we come out stronger when we address our fears face to face"

    And it is really true that we choose to be what we are... we can't choose what life gives us, but we do choose what we do with what we get. We do choose to go down or be elevated. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Totally inspiring friend you have there. And friends like T who can rub her smile off on to you when you need the most is the most precious blessing.


  6. Good to read you and greet you and meet you here, Sangeeta

  7. Yes IHM ..... I myself need to remind and refresh these thoughts until it becomes a way of life ... as i begin everyday faltering and low , these thoughts keep me uplifted.

    Sakshi....yes this friend has been a great inspiration . All my friends are a true blessing and i include you too.

    Sapna .... welcome to my space . It's great to meet you here as this is the place where you connect and communicate only when you relate to me...

  8. No doubt that accompanying you that day must have been inexplicably distressful for her yet she did not shirk from this. T is really an admirable person. This incident alone speaks volumes about her courage and shows her mettle. But this also shows how deep is her love and compassion for you and Mithi. I am immensely touched by the way she used to bond with Mithi, esp., her calling for her as soon as she entered her house.
    Thanks a lot for sharing all these things here with us. I know life is tough, I also know that the majority of people around us are selfish, insensitive and even cruel. It is people like you and T who are preventing me from becoming an out and out cynic.People like you and T have the rare grit and courage as well as sensitivity and compassion. such persons are hard to find.
    God bless both of you.

  9. Yes Amrita's really hard to find such friends. I have seen personally how mean and cruel some people can be with the less privileged , and that is the reason why i treasure my good friends more. You know it so have been such a great listener to my cynical talks . Thanks for all of that.

  10. You are a brave and wondeful person.. a true inspiration to all mothers.. most people , me included, crib about petty things and get upset easily.. you remind us to look at the positives.. bless you..

  11. Thank you Suchismita ... we inspire each other for different things and different issues of life... we learn so much seeing others all the time.

  12. Sangeeta,

    It is important for us to keep the people who care for us close...especially in the world today where there are people who wear these masks and are only there when they need something from you.

    You are lucky you have found someone who cares and stood by you when you needed her the most.

  13. Thank you GCS ..

    Yes i am really lucky in so many ways ... people like you who come and connect with me make me feel more so .

  14. am not good in expressing feelings...but after I read this post I dont feel like doing anything...we are going through a very bad phase of life and there is someone in our family who needs the support that this post gives.
    you are good soul Sangeeta...and my respect for you has increased a lot today. May God bless you dear.