Saturday, September 12, 2009

aadatan bujhe se rahte hain

whenever i come here to write my ever wandering mind comes to a halt......a complete silence of thought ...silence because there are so many things to be said that all gets bottle necked and a silence prevails.....unnerving silence of my mind.....

i wonder how sometimes it is too tough to speak up.......and when you speak, it's another challenge to be heard........but the real tough job is to be understood correctly.......
there is one more challenge though....why should i bother to make people understand a few nonexistent problems.......the things you don't see, don't exist ..right??

that is the reason why i go into silence so easily...or conveniently........

aadatan bujhe se rahte hain....jalte rahte to khaak ho jaate....

but some incidents reignite the perpetual 'aag' in me...........some people never fail to hurt the already suffering .......bluntly ...but accurately....with a regular frequency at that.....

if you are wondering what i am talking ....hold my last post i was talking about what not to do with patients and their has been 6 years that i have been seeing such people and there have been times when i have made it clear that enough is enough...but you know, sometimes you have to follow the " respect to elders n love to younger ones " to the T.......then my policy is straight face formality.........what i am bothered is...not that i am hurt all the time ...but i loose respect for those people...and this is an ongoing process.....i find that i don't find anybody who i can respect or even be genuinely nice with....and this is certainly not a good feeling...

 I visited one of my neighbors a few days back....the uncle is under treatment for a paralytic attack and the family and three children are taking good care of him.......i was actually infuriated at the behavior of some well wishers ......can you believe one of the kind ladies brings a small ( actually the smallest of the bottle guards available in the market) bottle guard and instructs that ..inko lauki ki sabzi khilao fayeda karegi....ab sewa karne se kya fayeda pahle roka hota...( the uncle has been a long standing alcoholic , trying for a successful rehab).....that's the thing which ignites me from a situation where help is required , somebody comes and blows away all your efforts.......efforts of the caregivers , and the efforts of the recovering person.....i have seen Mithi getting extremely uncomfortable whenever some people are talking nonsense around her and she visibly takes a sigh of relief when they are gone.....

many a times i have been told not to listen to such advices and go on doing what i think is right.........yes that's right.....that's why i say that being understood correctly is a problem here........may be i have learnt to be firm ( in denying charity) and  to be able to convey that i am not going to tolerate any nonsense about my baby..........but when i see another sentimental and vulnerable person being subjected to such ridicule, i feel it's happening to me all over again n i can't help may sound like an eternal rant but there are some issues which you feel very strongly about ....and this is one such issue for me.

i think it stems from the age old belief that you might have done something wrong ( some PAAP ) in your life or even in your earlier janam ( pichhle janam ka paap) that you have to suffer........led by that belief people see the patient as some sajayafta,a subject of if the victim's sufferings are apne paap ka fal bhugat rahe hain............. why don't these people see reason.............what paap the riot and terrorist attack victims have done to suffer and what punya the terrorists and their masterminds are doing to execute what they plan............

what paap a small child has done to suffer from a congenital disorder that cripples her life???

what i have learnt during all these years.....and think that every person caught up in difficult times should be able to understand....sooner or not consider yourself as a victim ( though you feel like a handicapped most of the times) and do not indulge in self pity.....the moment you count upon your strengths , you become empowered .......all the limitations and handicaps make you differently able.....your thinking evolves to the levels you can't even may be slow but make it has worked for me.......

these questions may be nonexistent for some people , i wouldn't say they are lucky , because i feel if we have the nerves to understand things around us, the things happening to other people around us, it helps our own self in growing up ( which i feel is an ongoing process regardless of age)....if i talk about myself.....i have stopped paying heed to such things long back in my own life, there are other issues which need my attention.......Mithi needs me so much by her side.......the question still haunts me why an innocent soul has to suffer so much.....the priority is towards keeping her happy even though she is in disgusting pain and may sound strange but  as her intelligence is not affected in the condition she is suffering from, she really feels embarrassed when she sees that mama has to clean her sheets repeatedly sometimes and it becomes extremely messy and smelly sometimes........the embarrassment is very visible on her face even if a single muscle does not move........i have to ensure i cuddle her up after cleaning the things n kiss her n tell her it happens with everybody ( i tell her kabhi kabhi mama ko bhi loose motion hota hai to badbu aati hai...papa ko bhi hota hai...koi baat nahi ab theek ho jayega)........

i wonder when a 8 yr old with no exposure to outside world can understand the feelings , why grown ups seeing the world with eyes wide open become blind........

a post by IHM on Who gave you your thoughts   moved me to this space and i finished this half written post which was waiting in the drafts for long time........thankyou, IHM for bringing me back to home...alone.:)

.....for the things which have influenced me, i'll write my next post , hopefully very soon as it has been a subject of my ever wondering mind many a post the banana seller also discusses the same things....


  1. dil ko choo jane walee post .aur jeevan kee kadee sacchaai se saakshaatkaar .God bless you .

  2. God bless you... I am speechless!! A big hug for mithi and you!!

  3. thanks for visiting my blog .lots and lots of love to meethee .i have posted one poem today let me know how do you like it .

  4. Glad to have you back on Homealone.I can see how infuriated one can become when some people like the one you mentioned breaks a bond or a caring act in a second with their unthoughtful comments. I always felt for such people it was more like - Ohhh he deserved the illness bcoz of what he did and we should show them that "see we are not suffering from any such things bcoz we are the perfect people". Sangeeta in the end it all ends up to hiding behind a veil..they think by showing their contempt and sympathy openly they can hide their own miserable life or whatever. I know people who are confident and have a balanced life doesn't resort to such behaviours and they have the capability of feeling the pain and thoughts of those who suffer.

    I think one should be always alert and be careful to the fact that when you are criticized negatively you shouldn't get into a mode where you become a person who thinks of everyone in a negative light. I have seen this happening to many people who were once very cheerful and outgoing and then depression took over and they decided that the whole world is bad.

    Hugs to Mithi

  5. i know Sakshi that the people who sympathize wrongly are the ones who hide their miseries and even illnesses from the world n push it under the carpet....our's is a country ( unfortunately ) where a family member is sent to an ashram if suffering from leprosy ( even leukoderma) is seen as a social stigma to have a family member suffering from something visible......we are the functional units of society and should behave responsibly when other lives are concerned.....

    and most importantly i have some wonderful people in my life too....who have loved me n understood me regardless of anything...i said this as a comment on one of IHM's post too...(i intend to write a post on the positive influences i have had in my life)..No i am not getting to thinking that the whole world is bad ....
    at the same time i go into depression because seeing my baby suffer and a feeling that my energies are failing takes some time but i always manage to come out of that..

  6. Lolz I was not talking about you. I know you are a fighter and so is Mithi. I am talking about those people who, lets say commit certain crimes and then blame it on their unbalanced mind, past experiences and such...who say the bad world is responsible for what they are..

  7. No lolz Sakshi....i know people blame circumstances when they something wrong to justify......and that is sad....but at the same time it is so easy to fall into the trap ( i am not defending such people who harm others).... self pity is something which starts harming feel distressed for a while, may be helpless ...but that is the time when you recognize your true strength too......have been in the situation many a times n have learnt something every time...

    people committing crime n blaming others , or circumstances are just clever criminals n recently i have commented on many blogs having similar discussions....

    thanks for your valuable time...i appreciate every little comment here as i know so many people are scared ( or apprehensive) of reading such topics n commenting on them...i know it is very disturbing to see others in pain for emotional people......thanks all of you who come here n have a word with me...

  8. I love brave people like you. Reading all the posts give a clear picture of you. Many things to say...My sincere prayers and well wishes for you and family. Love and hugs, Viki.

  9. hope you are feeling better now... don't let the bitter words of people get to you girl !! you are strong !!

  10. Hi long time no updates on any of ur blogs... :) hope everything is fine and waiting eagerly for ur next blog

  11. Dear Sangeeta
    I am so relieved that you haven't posted my response. Please dont..I think I was bit impulsive and reactive too. I was just talking to you. If I put few lines here , it is for you .
    Lots of love to Mithi


  12. my my...such words so very straight from the heart. Although I can't totally relate to the caregiving part...your first few words and paragraphs gripped me immensely...thinking...we are all the same...frozen in silence...wondering about our expressions of emotion. Freedom to emote? Once said, does the meaning become less? You are really quite expressive my friend.

  13. Hi Trish...yes the first expression is always straight from the heart..isn't it...
    about the care giving's more like a pressure release for me n things may differ with different people....
    thanks for dropping by..

  14. Dear Ushnish...the comment was not to be published...but i loved the way you said you were talking to me all this while....the exchange of thoughts is truly precious for me...

  15. Sangeeta,

    Though I read this blog of yours as well, I am one of those people who don't leave a comment, simply because I do not trust myself with words when it comes to strong reactions. But now that I know how much encouragement words give you, I'll try to comment more often.
    I agree with Sakshi, you are a fighter and so is Mithi.
    Love and hugs to both of you.

  16. Be rabt khayalun mien uljha jayen ge hum aur ............Suljhe teri zulf tu par jayen ge kham aur
    whatever u have written is true in our day today life but more we cosnider such rubbish things more we become furiated. caz its not easy to change a tabboo ridden society we are living in......... do whatever u think is right and comfortable as u advocated i agree

  17. Yeah self pity is the worst thing anyone can do to themselves, I totally agree!

  18. how are you and meethee? take care with best wishes

  19. Hugs Sangeeta. Loved the lines about self pity and victimhood. I don't understand the paap-punya theory, and I wonder if those who make insensitive comments are maybe scared people, who are trying to tell themselves that illness can not happen to them because somehow the other person must be somehow responsible for their illness. I keep distance from such people, more than anything for self preservation.

  20. Hugs IHM .... and about those insensitive people ( the right adjective is yet to be identified ) , i think we should not give them the power to hurt us . Only if we could really distance ourselves from them , which is not always possible :(