Thursday, June 4, 2009

what not to do

Sometimes all those lemons make you bitter from inside.........'bitter from inside ' because you are the only one who is to taste that, to live with that............others are way too busy to have a look at what you have inside........the lemonade and the lemony delicacies are enough to keep them wondering (awestruck most of the times .........) .

have been thinking of writing about what people around you, do unconsciously , hurting you, they don't realize that all the lemons have peeled your skin n it irritates to no end.......that you are prone to getting hurt regarding some sensitive topics of your life and existence.......

my new issue of good housekeeping got delivered today and my eyes stopped at an article explaining ,'what not to tell a cancer patient'.......i could not agree more..........have experienced so many 'acid attacks' and reading the article made me sad the same time i was feeling like writing all those things which people DO NOT realize doing..........mostly the reason being, as i understand, they love sympathizing.............they find the opportunity to show solidarity your face.........bluntly.........they are relieved that they are not the ones suffering and at the same time they are scared if it happens to them.........

i may be wrong but i feel that there is a fashion of doing charities these days and you get targeted for an act of 'charity' when there is no other spectacular i being harsh...........and is so obvious in their body language, the way they hand out 'gifts'......and the way they look at my child..........there have been very few incidents when i have reacted to such things, when it was impossible for me to be nice to them.

and why i call the people 'THEM' and 'THEY'..............they think that it's not them , it's the other people who are meant for this and they cite endless examples telling you stories you are so scared of , or sometimes involve your future worries.......what will happen when you will get old n all the suffering people for them is the 'other people'........ bechare log........and it's their moral duty to sympathize.

ohhh there is another variety.........they start telling you all their woes .......the 'sympathy mongers' ...........these people crib and boast at the same time.............helpless variety , they just have salt, not acid..........they just gobble up your other harm though.......

i used to think of the ways to write about such experiences .......i know most of the people do it very innocently and unconsciously............after reading the story i felt like telling people what not to do with people with special needs .............i am a mother of a special needs child .......and still so outraged ........just think of the person who is directly at the receiving hand..........have seen people becoming bitter from outside one of my earlier posts, i have hinted towards such changes in a person at the receiving i am bold enough to talk about it openly.....

i have some good and some very good people in my life too and i do try and find my peace and happiness through small little things around me , but somehow those nasty people make me restless and uncomfortable many times.....that is the reason i wanted to list all of that , more so because i feel the 'nasty' people are very unskilled communicators, their intentions may be good most of the times but they end up peeling your skin while doing a beauty treatment for you..........they should know and the society as a whole , should also know ..........that if there are special people, they are not to be stashed under the carpet , that they are entitled to a dignified life , entitled to respect and should come from the immediate family and they should not be alienated from the society.............

will come back with all those detailed versions soon.......


  1. I am so glad that you made this post..yes you alone can tell people around you what you feel like when treated the way you don't want them to treat you. There are times when we take things from people just because of loosing them as a relative, friend etc. But I have realised that it is not worth the trouble to have people around you who doesn't understand you and doesn't respect you. Huggs brave mom and kisses to Mithi

  2. yes sakshi, i used to be outraged when i saw the way people looked at mithi sometimes , shamelessly branding her bechari ..... i dint have any fear of loosing any relative or friend as i had already (almost) lost my relationships by marrying unconventionally.....the reason i could not react was that i had been a soft spoken girl all my life n it was not easy for me to take it n react on it at the same time.......i tried to convey the message subtly or by hinting sometimes but some people have their own i have learnt to make a joke of it with them.....

  3. Sangeeta, if you think such things are common even in place advanced as US. I have seen people stare at a small girl who was just 2 feet tall. They want to carry her, ask her mom if she is normal, why she was affected etc etc. Its going to take people a very long time to understand and respect someone's space. I think it should start with us. I have read your entire blog (this one) and I think your daughter is indeed blessed to have a mom like you. You are an awesome mom. I am very, very proud of you. God gives something extra only to few people I think one of that few was you. Hugs to you sweetheart. Be brave! Hugs to your Mithi (a name sweeter than honey)!!

  4. yed's true. i have experienced that if you slip into the self pity mode people ( most of them) love to sympathize in front of you ,although they may behave otherwise in your back.......have seen people gifting something to mithi out of sympathy which eventually is of no use for her and then (as human calculating mind does)they expect gifts from me of the same monitory value.......isn't that sick.......initially i did not refuse the gifts out of courtesy, even now i am not able to refuse but now i tell them categorically that it's a waste of money for you n it would be better if you buy her some breakfast cereal if you are insisting.......
    the problem arises when you decide to live a normal dignified life and refuse to accept sympathies , when you want to dress up well n go out to have a whiff of fresh air.......i'll come to all that in my next posts.
    thanks for dropping by n having a word with me........and yes i feel i am the chosen one .....God has chosen me for a purpose.

  5. Sangeeta, just finished reading all your posts...I admire and salute your bravery!!! Hugs to Mithi.

  6. Its a shame that "sympathy mongers" end up hurting the very people they set out to show solidarity with. If only they understood the subtle difference between sympathy, empathy and pity.

  7. yes amrita....the problem is , you can't just tell everybody to behave.........i am happy that there are some really good people in my life too.

    @ ranju....
    i would accept just love........smiles n hugs.

  8. dropped in here after sometime Sangeeta,..I really understand every word u haave written here dear..have seen it happening..even when u meet with an accident or any trauma like that,they wont leave u out!I think you should respond to them,none should be allowed to barge into ur space dear!! hugs to u n Mithi..always pray 4 u..:)

  9. i think one should not give importance to those who are not in your priority list...if u r right n no one can harm u as much as he or she wants!!!
    i understand wht u mean but would just like to say that u know u r right n strong n no matter whts others do u just ignore the negatives n take all the positives...n u'll see how enlightened your life will b.
    If u react to their negative weapons u r surely playing the way they want u to dont ...remember Sangeeta TOUGH TIMES NEVER LAST, TOUGH PEOPLE DO!!!

    Your a perfect and amazing mom....believe me!!!

  10. thanks nazish.......yes i get a strange conviction in my thinking when i am right.....i have leanrt in all these years to priorities n ignore negative attention but the very attitude of the people for the 'lesser able individuals' makes me angry......i feel the 'lesser' souls need a sentimental support and the biggest crime we do is by hurting their very sentiments ........i just want to tell all those people that if you love the 'lessor' souls you'll find something you've never seen before n definitely not in the able bodied's because the mind n soul of these children is so pure it'll help connect yourself with your own pure self....

    yes Nazish i strongly believe in what you said about tough people and i am an amazing mom but not yet perfect ........

  11. Its everywhere..the "they's" and true we cant blind ourselves out from such people.But, we have a really doesn't matter what they talk and believe in...people have issues if you life is going great, and they have issues if something goes amiss.
    They are a part of society and will continue to remain.But, our attempt at creating awareness, spreading our word, our voice will never stop.
    I am glad you created this post, i liked and respect ur expression and stand beside u sangeeta.

  12. thanks almost prompted me to do the next post...i keep postponing to write here as i am not very comfortable talking about problems....but sometimes it has to be purged out....i am still thinking of ways to express what i mean here..

  13. Hello sangeeta,I have seen the beutiful pics of mithi and yes she is turly an angel,I admire ur courage and dedication,U r a very brave person and very inspiring,as i have gone through some of ur posts i felt immensely good and emotional as u spoke exactly what goes in ataxians n their caregivers mind,I have also asked other members of SAMAG who r ataxians to follow this blog,will post again very soon,convey my wishes to mithi and i promise to plant a beutiful sappling dedicated to mithi,God bless mithi& ur family,

  14. a very loving hug to Mithi and to you too Sangeeta .
    thanks for visiting my blog.

  15. No new post on this blog since ages.Missing it.

  16. Dear Sangeeta
    I just strayed here from your cooking page..thank God. else I would have missed this wonderful piece of writing and the way you have addressed the difficult time, your understanding of realities of life...bring up Mithi the way you think is right (as you said...)

    Even in my difficult time I always pray to God " Thank you so much, for not making it worse or tell myself " Well it could have been worse buddy, get going etc". But I don't recall I have ever prayed any thing from God...He has already given every thing , we just discover them in our journey through life ( with all the possible efforts of course)
    I like your statement "go into silence so easily". That reminds me the line " Silence is my strong point" in Elia Kazan's famous book, " The arrangement"
    Regarding " Pahele KyuN nehi sochatha or kiya tha" or any line starting with "Pahele KyuN NehiN...irritates me to my bones.

    When I was an young engineer, I enthusiastically suggested some improvements to my Boss, his reaction was " Why you didn't think of this idea before and kept shouting at me ...bla ...bla " My answer was "I am sorry, I wish I were God, I could have known every thing in advance..If Ravana had thought pahele that he will lose his dynasty by stealing Seeta, He wouldn't have done it' (I was very polite though")
    This 'Pahele (in the past)" word is the greatest irritant, even recently in a violent argument situation with a top Italian multinational guy I had to say " If Napoleon knew in advance (Pahele), he would lose the battle, he wouldn't have gone to waterloo.". There was a big laughter and all issues were resolved.
    I strongly believe the famous line in Geeta " Karmane Adhikar astu, Ma phol-esu kadachana".You have control over your actions and never on the results. God has empower you to take actions.
    I also like a famous quote (forgotten from where). " Do you believe in God?"
    The answer was "yes"
    "Why do you believe in God"?
    "Because if you believe in God, you are never alone in the world, thats why"
    Let me find out whose statement was this..

    Anek gyan diye phel-lam..(the easiest thing to do for all) Now get busy,Diwali aschhe..I am sure " Tum pahele se soch rakhe ho, Diwali mey kya hungama hoga ...
    My greetings to every one

    PS Your great sense of humor ( seen in food blog)speaks a lot about your determinations to handle situations ...great

    Diwali greetings to all of you from all of us