Sunday, April 29, 2012

The other world of dreams...

The blue of the sky
reflects in my heart
as if
you are looking into my eyes
from the world above....

I woke up drenched in sweat. In a winter's night.

Felt like someone was talking to me and it snapped within a fraction of second. I was not able to recollect what it was about. But it seemed very pleasant and comforting.

And slowly it started pouring into my head like a recollection of some snippets of real life.

This is something from the days when I was exasperated about Mithi's condition. It was frustrating to watch a angelic child in pain and distress and the feeling that I am of no use. Those were the days when my own health had started getting affected and I used to fear if something happens to me who would take care of my doll.

The times of the most intense disgust had awakened a resolve in me. I decided to pray for Mithi's departure from this painful world. It was a world full of pain and disability for her. It was better if she went to a better place. I started praying for her release from this excruciating pain. Difficult it was as it meant she wouldn't be with me. Still I did pray as there was no other way.

One or two days into these prayers when I started feeling guilty about it. After all I used to console her saying Mama loves her and will always be with her. All her world was her mama who kept talking to her the whole day and there was almost no exposure to the outside world. Her eyes used to keep looking for me and a hug , a kiss or just a pat sometimes would comfort her. Saying that mama loves Mithi was as common as breathing and probably the lifeline too for both of us. She got comforted and thus comforting me seeing the relieved face.

And here I was praying for something that would take her away from me, I wouldn't be with her always. The realisation struck me hard. The guilt was like a sharp knife piercing through me.

That was the day when I told her. I told her Mama is praying for her to be taken away by God, asking if she is happy with it. She nodded the way she used to, by drooping her eyelids. And with a faint smile. Her smiling muscles were impaired as well. But she had the most wonderful smile believe me.

The twitch of the corner of her lips, the smile that was, and the dimly lit twinkle that her eyes revealed into a fragmented smile, made me comfortable. I knew she wanted the same way and that she was convinced mama is wanting something good. She joined me in my prayer and we did every single prayer together thereafter.

God would take Mithi softly put into an Udankhatola (a flying playpen if translated in English) and make her body alright. She would walk there and play. And then we would meet there.

This became our daily prayer. Holding hands and saying this to each other when we were alone, lying in the bed. For almost a year.

And the prayers worked. Not only in relieving her of the pain, but doing it in a way that was the least bothersome and tormenting for me as well. The dreadful day was handled in the best possible way.

This dream had revealed something serious to me. The sweat soaked body was not distressed but relieved.

The trail of my awakened thoughts took me to the dreams that were a regular frequency till a few weeks back. I would see both of us in different places with Mithi being in the same condition. Myself carrying her delicately so her neck is in the right place and her limbs are dangling like they did in real life. These dreams were numerous, every time there will a similar kind of situation but different places and we as different people. Both of us always worried about her well being. I was always caressing or protecting her limbs or carrying her in my lap protectively.

There was this uncanny feeling that she was my daughter in every life that I had and this ailment was there every time. A disheartening thought. An excruciating feeling.

And then I stopped getting these dreams. Did this new dream come with a message?

I was still clueless and yet with a pleasant feeling of being with someone very comforting.

Drenched in sweat, as I splashed water on my face, the realisation occurred that those prayers might have relieved her from the suffering for always. I couldn't remember a thing from this dream but there was a feeling that I have been with her, she telling me how it worked. With a broader smile, a brighter face.

Was it a message for me from the other world?

A comforting message for sure.

Have you ever been to the world of dreams?

All of us dream something or the else everyday but have you woke up after a dream feeling you were there physically? Lucid dreams.

It has been a regular thing with me, I used to have lucid dreams and would get disoriented when awake, sometimes confused and sometimes the memory of the dream would meld with real memories to make them one, un-distinguishable. Real.

I saw many incidents that were about to happen, layouts of the streets I had to inhabit and the feel of the house I was to shift. Many times in the past, I would get an idea of how the things would turn out in close future.

How dreams take you to another world. A real world, as if you are just in another city or in another compartment of the same train you are travelling. The visions are so real, the feelings tangible. I have witnessed many of my lucid dreams coming to reality. I would recall just the way I felt in the dream when I would experience the same feeling in reality, when the dream unfolds in cold realty.

Some times a restlessness that I felt in a particular dream would be experienced in real life and my mind would travel back to the same dream subconsciously...the memory of the restlessness would veer back to the dream eventually.

This time the dream was to comfort me.

It was like another puzzle unfolding and I am definitely feeling a lot better.


  1. the last line says it all.. you are feeling better :) what more ...

    I am not sure what to make of the dream.. but if you feel better then it was a good dream


    1. Thanks Bikram.
      yes I am at peace now. Though some of my questions would never get answers I guess.

  2. I have had dreams that showed me some way out of my problems, sometimes agonising ones. But nothing compared to yours, Sangeeta. And the way you listened to them and interpreted them and stood by Mithi speak about the kind of person you are, the kind of mother. Yes, she has told you that she is happy and is healed in body, because she already had a healthy mind when she was with you. Hugs.

    1. Thank you. It's kind of self assuring hearing this from you.

  3. If this made you feel happy, nothing compares to it..and yes that dream was the mean to let you know that perhaps what Your DD was trying to convey you when she was with you ..( although I would say she still is with you, like an angel watching from up there) ..hugs

  4. Hugs! And it's so nice that the dream comforted u! Mithi is definitely happy that her Mama feels comforted with the thought that the prayers worked well for both of u!

    'I would recall just the way I felt in the dream when I would experience the same feeling in reality' - Can totally relate to this :)

  5. Wonder if my comment got through :roll:

    1. Hugs Swaram.
      Dreams would always be a mystery and yet they seem so real.
      We start believing when we see evidences, yet more knowledge is required.

  6. when the conscious mind can not bear any more I believe the Unconscious and the Greater Conscious (God) shows us the way through dreams.How else will we find a way to dispel the darkness we sometimes get trapped in ?
    And it happens only to those with a Spiritual Awakening.

    1. Also when the conscious mind is constantly struggling for answers, they come in the way of dreams. Conscious mind makes the ground for it I believe, call it spiritual awakening or something else, but some connection with the 'Greator conscious' or the 'Universal soul' is the prerequisite.

  7. Sangeeta,not just about Mithi, butI feel that everyone who passes on has moved into a better place. Life is tough and quite a torture at times.They have been freed from the bondage Life. I feel sad for the people left behind who have to not only continue living but now they have to live with the vacuum created by the departure of someone who was so important in their lives. There is no doubt that today Mithi is in a better place and more comfortable that she was here. I am sure your prayers have been answered and she has been relieved from the suffering forever.
    I dream every single day and remember the dreams in all details. I have never had a premonotion through dreams but in the midst of a chaotic situation, when I had a "Happy dream",I distinctly remember a sense of calm that surrounded me. I know that there is no scientific proof that dreams might be messages for us from the other world. But it has not been proven that it is impossible that this should be the case. I have no confusion in using this ambiguity in my favour and continue to belive what i wish to believe about dreams :)

    1. Yes, using the ambiguity in my favour.
      Thank you Amrita..

  8. Hi, Hugs to you !! I am sure Mithi is happy and is relieved of her pain wherever she is, may be it's the other world's way of telling you that she is okay... Hugs once again..

    1. Thanks SS.
      Yes she is in a far better place and happy too.
      Today is her birthday and I want to have absolute faith in this thought.